walk out.

he approached me. i had my back towards the door.

- we're very sexual beings; he said.

i felt a cold rush of blood running through my body. i could not move. he put his huge hands on my neck. they were heavy. i could not see his face but i wondered if he had some kind of grin. he used to grin whenever he thought he was in control. i felt him leaning his head, his breath on my neck.

- and i think you wouldn't disagree.

i was scared but out of an impulse, i dared to move. i turned myself round.

- how can you do this? how can you do this after knowing about me and your friend? , i shouted.

there was silence. he was no longer grinning. his eyes suddenly lost the glow. and he became serious and upset.

- he left you... , he murmured. he left you!

i bursted into tears. let my head hang down. i was no longer scared. i was ashamed. with one hand he lifted my chin.

- look at me... , he said.

i couldn't open my eyes.

- look at me, please. , he insisted.

yet, my eyes were closed.

- ok, fine, don't. , he let go of my chin and took a few steps to the door. i opened my eyes.

- you wanna know something? he never deserved you. , he said with tears coming from his eyes. he left you and he's alredy with somebody else. he never loved you, he never will love you. but i loved you from the day i saw you. i loved your eyes, your hair, your skin, the way you walk, the way you talk, the way you smile... god! i loved you in every way these past five years... and my only hope was that you look my way. and you never did!

i felt small. i hated myself for acknowledging he said the truth. i loved a man that had left me for somebody else. and i could not love the man in front of me, reaping himself up.

- i know he's my friend! but he never deserved you... i always knew it. always!

the memories started bursting up. and i got shaky.

- if i knew it... if i knew you loved me so... , with trembling lips i said.

- you would still love him.

- i... i...

- yes, you would. nothing would be different. wanna know why? because we don't choose who we're supposed to love. if i could choose not to love you and not to care about you, i would. and i would live happy with my girlfriend who, god... she loves me so. and i will never love her back as much as i love you. and you love a man that left you, for god's sake... and you can't explain why, you just love him!

i let my head hang down once again. i heard his footsteps. he walked out.

.

.

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ouvindo: between you and me - the ataris.